Please, don’t hold the door for me–I’ll be okay without it….


As our generation evolves, the staple common courtesy’s of mankind has seemed to get outdated–at least for me. The one common courtesy that grinds my gears is when someone is holding the door for another person. I understand that there are genuine people out there and instinctively act in favor, help, or generosity out of the kindness of their hearts. But then there are some who have zero common courtesy and act in disregard, meanness, and disdain. I respect both–what I don’t respect is the people who just “act” and put on a front of being courteous. The people who hold the door for you and get upset if you walk to slow towards their offer. If your going to hold the door for someone, then hold it. Besides the fact I’m a fully functional 33 year old man, ‘it’s not necessary for you to hold the door for me–I got it.

There should be rules to this…

The unwritten rules of holding doors should become a new staple in today’s society. To hold the door, or not hold the door–that is the question…

The Unwritten Rules and Regulations:

1. Handicapped people ie; wheelchair, crutches, or some sort of nonfunctional movement you must hold the door.

2. Baby carriages ie; people with baby carriages but only if they’re by themselves, otherwise their significant other could help.

3. A person with both of their hands full, but only if they are entering the vicinity. Because if they are entering, they have to pull the door open and if their hands are tied up, it would be very difficult for the person to open the door. On the flip side, if they are exiting the vicinity, then there is no need to hold the door open because they only have to push, so they could use their shoulder to push the door open. Now, if the door is a double swinging door, it’s win-win for everyone–you’re off the hook.

4. Children. No way Jose! Let them open and close the door themselves, they have to learn and understand the process. Especially if a child is playing a game on their parents smartphone or ipad, look up you little turd there’s a door in front of you!

5. Senior Citizens. This can go either way because the elders carry an array of different characteristics. Some would rather you not, because they don’t want to feel pitied; some have no idea your even holding the door for them; and some think you should hold the door for them because of their age and want to get pampered. This would have to be a game time decision.

6. Zoning. There is an invisible zoning area for when to, or when not to hold the door—which is a 5 X 5 square that begins from the door itself. If the person behind you is out of the zoning area, then there is no need to hold the door open for them. If you do hold the door for them outside the zoning area, now you are not being courteous–you’re actually being rude. When the door is held outside the zoning area, the person behind you has to now pick up his pace to meet your satisfaction–and if the person fails at getting to the door in time, the person who originally held the door is now upset. Nobody wins, it’s a lose-lose situation. Don’t hold the door if the person is not inside the zone–it’s that simple.

Now, either way, things get extremely awkward because in today’s world many of us would rather not do something courteous but we spend most of our energy trying to be, so others think we are courteous. If you don’t want to hold the door for someone–then don’t. If you sincerely enjoy this process, then hold away.

The Breaking Point

About five years ago I was at the Nutley Diner (artist formally known as Park Diner) and I was taking food to-go. I simply paid for my Mexican omelet with a side of oatmeal and sliced bananas–and off I go. I walk towards the front exit and notice a bit of a confrontation between a middle-aged couple entering the diner, and an elderly couple exiting the diner. Both couples seemed to be fully functioning, just had a difference in age. Both couples, were in the zoning area of the door holding confusion. What were they to do?

Middle aged man, “Please after you.”

Older women, “No its okay sonny, you go.”

Middle aged man, “Oh no, please I insist you go first.”

Older women, “I said it’s okay, we will be fine.”

Older man, “Yeah don’t worry about me kid, I’m going to take a little while.”

I glance over to the older man and notice he had a cane, but was insisting on moving on his own. It seemed he was fully functional, just at a slower pace. Props to the old man for wanting to do things on his own, especially something that’s least important–like holding the door.

Middle aged man, “It’s ok I’ll hold the door for you.”

Older man, “I said I got it kid! You don’t have to hold the door for me.”

Older women, “Yes, its okay, let my husband do it him self, hes a big boy! haha”

Middle aged couple, “No worries, I’ll hold it.”

It’s obvious this middle aged man was sticking to his guns, and wanted to hold the door open for the older couple because it would fluff his ego about being a considerate human. The middle aged-man’s wife stood there in blankness like an uncooked hotdog. But at this point, the older couple is getting aggravated with the over-courtesy this young man is bringing to the table. What a dick…

The back-and-forth confrontation of door holding had now become more awkward than catching your parents having sex. I couldn’t handle this situation anymore.

Me, “Okay people, then I’m going to go!”

As I strut my way through the door opening of awkwardness, I could feel the middle-aged couple stare at me as if I had six-heads. All of a sudden I felt a kung-fu grip on my right bicep that spins me around to only end up face-to-face with the older women. Now I was frightened.

Older women, “Good for you son, take the lead.” and smiled at me

Older man, “Yeah, somebody has to go while this kid holds the door!” and smiled at me too.

I call this taking risks when opportunity arises–success.

I LOL’ed through the hallway of the entrance/exit of the diner, as the middle aged couple sat there in disbelief, regret, and embarrassment–all because they wanted to “do something nice.” This is a pure case of, “when keeping it real goes wrong.”

At this turning point in my life, I knew now that holding the door for someone–is over rated. You want to do something nice? Go feed a starving child from a third-world country–hey, I’ll even hold the door for you.


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